


An Unexpected Landing

by Anonymous



Category: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005), Sherlock (TV), The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Crack, Crack Crossover, Crossover, Deliberate Badfic, M/M, badfic, no offense meant, reference to dragon sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-29
Updated: 2014-08-29
Packaged: 2018-02-15 06:29:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2219283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deliberate Badfic for the BadBangTest.</p><p>Johnlock is twue wuv. It transcends works. Therefore when Arthur Dent suddenly appears before Bilbo Baggins and Smaug, bickering ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Unexpected Landing

Bilbo Baggins was used to strange appearances. He'd learnt, since becoming friends with Gandalf, to accept the perculiar as the norm and just go with whatever happened.  
  
But the man who looked almost identical to him, albeit man-like and not hobbit-like, wearing striped pyjamas and carrying naught but a towel, was a little more strange than the strange he had been used to.  
  
"...Can I help you?" Bilbo asked. He was, after all, a helpful sort of hobbit.  
  
The man looked just as startled at his appearance as Bilbo looked at his.  
  
"I was going..." The man muttered in a British accent scarily similar to Bilbo's own, looking around and frowning when he noticed they were stood on a pile of gold. "You haven't seen a man with two heads, have you?"  
  
"Two heads?" Bilbo asked. "Never seen a man with two heads. Never thought it possible, but then I never thought this possible before..." He gestured to the large dragon curled around them, watching the exchange with a confused expression.  
  
The man blinked. Several times. Slowly.  
  
"Space I can accept, but not dragons."  
  
"Why not?" Smaug rumbled. Literally. His scales rippled next to them with the words.  
  
The man dropped his towel.  
  
"It's you!"  
  
Both Bilbo and Smaug frowned at him.  
  
"You know my Smaug?" Bilbo asked.  
  
"Yes. Well no. Sort of." The man replied, face scrunching in confusion in the same way that Bilbo's did. "I'd recognise that voice anywhere. Except normally it's not coming out of a dragon."  
  
"What does it come out of, then?" Bilbo asked.  
  
"A man!" The man replied. "Strange one, as smart as mice and about as confusing. Can't remember the name though, something to do with keys - no - locks."  
  
"How odd." Bilbo replied. "I used to dream about a man with his voice, he was smart too. Lovely hair, more suited to a hobbit than a man. I kept having to rescue him from an EVIL woman with a riding crop."  
  
Smaug chuckled, a rumble that made the gold they were all on wiggle in sympathy.  
  
"Men are small and have small intellects. Hobbits are smaller and have smaller dreams." Smaug's rumbling voice made both the man and the hobbit shiver as it ran through them.  
  
"And dragons are huge?" The man replied. "Why does everything have to be about size?"  
  
"You're just jealous." Bilbo said with a smug grin. "Smaug is larger than any man, I must be the most satisfied hobbit there is."  
  
The man snorted derisively.  
  
"Jealous?" The man replied. "I wouldn't want to be split in half by a dragon. If anything, you might make a nice sized butt plug for him but-"  
  
Just then a whale fell from the sky and landed with a resounding 'splat' on top of the bickering couple.  
  
 _Yay, a soft landing!_ Thought the whale. _What luck!_

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [An Unexpected Landing - Art](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2237082) by [wolfy_writing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfy_writing/pseuds/wolfy_writing)




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